I know...I know... I know... You are probably thinking, I don't do this. I live my life now. I have so much going on this week, how could the past possibly have anything to do with my life now? I am over this or that childhood issue. Every time a thought comes up around a person or situation from the past that I don't want to think about, I just redirect. Focus on something else. Anything else. See.. I have it all handled! I'm over it.
Well, my question in response is--really? Are you sure about that? So, you haven't ever responded in real time to a situation from the place of:
I've had this happen before and I'm not making that mistake again.
I'm this way because of my childhood.
I'm this way because my Mom did this, my Dad did that, my family always believed x, y, z.
People use to say mean things to me so I learned early on to put a wall up so no one could hurt me ever again.
My parents weren't around much or were emotionally unavailable and that's why I am the way I am.
I can't follow my dreams or creative endeavors because in my family we believe that hard work, sweat and tears is the way you really "earn a dollar."
I make these arts and crafts for "fun" and give them away to others. It makes me feel good. I don't want to make money from it. That's just not right.
I could certainly go on, but I will stop there for now as I think I've made my point. What I want to share with you right now is the power of beliefs that we think are truths. Beliefs are incredibly powerful. They literally run the show of our lives.
Beliefs are so influential that they solidify over time what we think is true or not true. Here's an example. Let's say someone says to me: "Joanna, in my family we really had to learn the value of a dollar. Money doesn't grow on trees you know--so we had to work our fingers to the bone to make a living. No one handed us silver dollars and gold coins. There were no free rides or lunches in my family. That's an honorable way to make a living. Not having your head in the clouds living in dream land."
Believe me, I've heard this over and over from people. And the interesting thing is that because this belief is held true, the person's life mimics it. They are always living hand-to-mouth, paycheck to paycheck, borrowing money to pay bills, staying in dead end jobs, complaining about life, complaining about wealthy people, etc, etc...
Yet...we've all heard, seen or read about those who literally "think" their way to wealth. Perhaps they were born into a similar household that had pervasive limiting beliefs circulating around like bees to honey. But something inside of them doubted these so called "truths". It didn't resonate at all with their own gauge for unbounded potential.
These truths never seemed to quite fit the world view or mold of who they were inside. They would see others out shoveling snow and making money. Mowing lawns and making money. Babysitting for money. Delivering newspapers for money. And often times this was in addition to a regular job or school schedule.
Watching others closely sparked an idea for personal growth opportunities. Someone else viewing the same scenario could have mocked the other folks and felt "too good" for that kind of work. The funny thing is, they would focus only on the short-view. The long view is that this is simply a stepping stone on the path to prosperity.
Those folks who were out working an extra job or finding creative ways to make some money typically had an entirely different world-view.
They usually had a reason or goal in mind that they wanted to reach that was driving them to seek outside ways to make money. Maybe they would talk about someday having a beautiful home, nice cars and a way to provide for their family. Maybe they wanted to be the first person in their family to receive an education past high school. Or, graduate high school.
The reasons are infinite. The point being, it's all in how you view it.
The past does not define us unless we allow it to. If we have chosen to freeze ourselves and keep reliving and repeating self-sabotaging behaviors, then it most certainly will drive the bus of our lives today. And in the future. That is a guarantee.
Don't worry. There is a way to drive the bus of your own life and strap those limiting, negative beliefs into the child's safety seat in the back.
What I personally love about beliefs and truths is they can be changed. It is not nearly as difficult as people claim. Take note: the ones who say it's difficult are also the ones who resist change the most. They are still frozen. Scared of the thaw.
The fear around the thaw comes from thinking that to question your upbringing will disappoint your family. Or, the feelings might overwhelm you. In a way it's a security blanket that has insulated us into a predictable life we know and understand. Not that we love it or even like it, but we understand it.
An exercise I have personally done and highly recommend to help unfreeze myself safely is this:
Take out a journal and something to write with.
Write out this prompt 10 times.
A story I keep telling myself is __________. The truth is ___________.
Then write another prompt and answer it 10 times.
If I wasn't so afraid I would _________.
Now, choose 5 of the answers to work with and answer the following question.
What is one small action step I could take to allow myself to move forward?
Now choose only one to work with and commit to doing it. Today. Tomorrow by the latest. You've got this!
The power of who we are and who we can become is in seeing our own beauty. Our own light. We were not created to be replicas or exact copies of anyone else. They were already made. Then, you were made. New mold. New model. Pretty cool, huh?
So be you. Don't be afraid to be more of you. Spirit has your back. Now is the time to explore the beautiful art of having your own back. Trust me, this will be the most worthwhile investment you have ever made.
What is one thing you have done to thaw yourself out from the past? Post in the comments below. We'd love to read about it and share in your success.
In gratitude,
Joanna