You know that feeling of doing something nice for someone or being really helpful? Then, not getting thanked for it?

Ouch.

If I had a dollar for every time I heard someone complain about not being thanked for a gift or service I would be very rich, indeed. Don't get me wrong, it is always wonderful to be acknowledge and appreciated for something we've done to help someone else out. However, there will be times that this simple yet important act is overlooked or forgotten.

Trust me, I have been on both sides of this coin. And if we are all honest with ourselves I'm sure we can think back to times we still hold a grudge towards someone we think should have thanked us. Or, they did end up thanking us but it was such a pitiful attempt that it comes across as insulting.

What about times we've found out that someone feels we slighted them? Perhaps we're aware of this grudge. The more likely scenario is that we are still clueless.

What I've come to know about thanking others and our own need to be acknowledged by others is it's all perception. Or projection. However you want to look at it.

Life View is Important

If my life view is one that I think most people are rude, arrogant and ungrateful then guess what? Life mirrors all of this right back at me. I will be subconsciously finding reasons to be offended or slighted. Expecting others to be the rude, fickle people I thought they would be becomes the norm. Then I can tell all my friends and colleagues that I'm right.

Now, let's take another equally important view into perspective. The view of doing something nice or supportive for someone else without the expectation that they deliver any type of thanks. We cultivate a positive outlook that invites surprising others for our own sake.

We dawn the invisibility cloak so to speak. In plain English, we completely and totally let people off the hook. Maybe they would normally think to say thank you, but they are going through a difficult time and their thoughts are elsewhere - it literally slipped their mind. Perhaps they are swamped at work or are struggling with family obligations and barely have a moment to themselves.

If we really understood the depth of their internal struggle would we keep the invisible leash held so tightly? Would we still need our ego-based desire satiated?

The truth is that gratitude and thanks are an inside job.

Think about it: If we are always expecting others to meet our needs then we constantly set ourselves up to be disappointed.

However, when we see ourselves as already deserving, already worthy and already enough we don't need or expect others to validate it.

We know we have our own backs.

The biggest shift I made in my own life came about when I began to consciously make a daily practice of acknowledging and thanking myself. And I do mean this literally.

To this day I intentionally make internal nods or high-fives when:

I’ve allowed myself to be open to the Angels helping me with creative solution to a situation
I've made a choice to relax and be by myself instead of saying Yes to yet one more thing that would then overextend me.
I eat more nutritious, delicious wholesome foods and thus treat my body with love
I make 7 - 8 hours minimum of sleep a night a priority
I choose books, movies and programs that are enriching, humorous and light rather than be saturated by negative, toxic and shocking material

I thank myself for being intentional about my Yeses, No's and Maybe's. I remind myself: Let my Yes mean Yes. No mean No. Maybe mean Maybe.

What I’ve Learned

What I've learned about saying Yes to adventure, spicing up my life and creativity is that it comes with a lot of No's to perceived obligations. This has single-handedly been the most profound uncovering in my "being thankful" overhaul.

I didn't recognize the shift in myself at first. It came about subtly from observing others get really bent out of shape and upset if they weren't "thanked" by person x.

I realized that I was having less and less of these negative emotions in myself while in a similar situation. That's when I came to know that my daily practice was working. I'm not perfect by any stretch of the imagination, but I am better than I used to be.

The intentional practice of thanking ourselves for what we are doing right during the day instead of looking for what's wrong is such a game changer.

Are you ready to trust yourself and know you have your own back? If you don't believe in yourself and your follow through, just think of me cheering you on.

With love and light,
💛
Joanna

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