Originally printed November 14, 2017. I love this story and I hope you do, too!
Recently, I have been contemplating the fascinating and multi-layered dialogue around friendship. Mostly stimulated by the great memories I've recently experienced after re-uniting with friends I’d made 22 years ago. They are all European. I was the only American in the group. We all worked together in Reception at the Hotel Cheyenne at Disneyland Paris in 1995.
With the advent of easy-to-use social media sights like Facebook, I’d been reconnecting with several of my former colleagues since fall of last year. I'd longed to see them for years but either didn't have the money or time carved out to make the flight across the ocean.
Plus, I had my doubts about whether, after so many years apart, we would have commonalities. What if we've grown apart? What if we have nothing to say?
In the spring of this year I realized I needed to stop making excuses. I really missed these friends. They had helped me so much when I worked with them.
My grasp on the French language was quite limited and I was picking vocabulary up everyday, but it always felt like it was never enough.
My co-workers (Cast members in Disney lingo) really made huge efforts to help me with check-ins, check-outs, booking dinner shows and learning the basics of "hotel French." I honestly don't think I would have lasted as long in the Work Program without them.
All in all I worked for six months at the Hotel Cheyenne. It was such a mixed bag of emotions for me.
I was struggling with learning a new language. Living in a culture very different from my own. Learning the ins/outs of working for a big company overseas.
I was homesick and in love with Europe. I missed my car terribly and I became super savvy at using the metro/rail systems. I longed for the familiarity of the friends I had back in the States and I was enjoying the strong bonds of new friendship's being created daily.
At one point I remember thinking how difficult it was to crack into the European circle. Why aren't they so friendly? Why are they aloof with me? Is it me? Am I that offensive that they don't want to get to know me?
What I was soon to learn was the powerful difference between the bond of friendship's formed with my European friends versus bonds formed thus far with my American friends.
Europeans do not, by nature, tend to take friendship's lightly. Before they let you into their "inner circle" they are careful to choose wisely. They have the intuitive understanding of the depth that a close friendship entails.
It's the old quality over quantity aphorism playing out.
In fact, many of them were quite skeptical of American's because they felt we wore too many metaphorical masks to make sure people liked us. For them, it was important to know who was on the inside more than the outer persona of who we want the world to see.
Very insightful culture I would say....
I knew I made headway when, after three months, my co-worker Gry from Norway started to make conversations with me. Those first three months she pretty much blew me off (sorry Gry, but you know it's true... :).
Several of us were chatting and she caught wind that I was actually from Montana, not Florida. In her defense she had not worked with any Americans before and thought we were all rich, crude and air-heads.
At the time the popular TV show Baywatch was airing so that was the overall perception many non-Americans had about us. Yikes!
Yes, I had been working at Disney World in Orlando, Florida. However, I was born and raised in Montana- Big Sky Country. Mountains, skiing, fishing, hiking, horses, etc...
We both realized that we had way more in common than we originally thought. Cold winters, warm summers, lots of access to nature. Hmmmm.... now we are getting somewhere.
Suffice it to say that from this point on we quickly became best of friends. We ended up taking day trips with our friends Filipe and Samantha to some of the quaint villages on the northern coast of France.
We also went to the beautiful and amazing Loire Valley with its castles and world-class vineyards.
That was then…
The following year, when I was back in Florida working full-time for DisneyWorld, we both met up for two weeks vacation in Montana. She stayed with my family and we went rafting, hiking, boating, horseback riding and sightseeing.
Gry loved seeing the intermitent Norwegian flag flying from someone's deck as we'd zip by in the car.
Over the last 20+ years we've kept in touch, some years we'd do better than others. However, when I prompted her this spring to meet for a weekend in Paris in October, she didn't even hesitate. She lives just above the Arctic Circle in Bodo, Norway so no easy jaunt to say the least.
Our fellow coworkers Filipe (residing in Paris) and Samantha (now in London) were quick to join in the mini-reunion weekend as well. Miguel, who still works for Disneyland Paris, joined in the fun, too.
And this is now…
I am still in awe and basking in the good feeling of knowing we actually all came together. It was so wonderful. My friends are as loyal as ever and as fun as I remember.
Sure, we are all a bit older and wiser. Yet... at our heart level we are still the same.
It was truly an experience where time had stood still. We picked up right where we left off. Lots of laughs. Lots of walking. Lots of talking. Catching up. Shared meals that lasted several hours. Stops at cafe's. Pastry's.
Mostly, I kept thinking about the bond of friendship. Or more to the point: the Art of Friendship.
Friendship is when two or more people make an effort to keep in touch and stay connected. Otherwise, it's just a monologue. It won’t last.
It doesn't matter where you live. What you do. What language is your mother tongue. Where you went to school. How much money you make. None of that matters.
What matters is your heart connection and authenticity as a person.
I learned a lot from my European friends about the high cost of wearing "masks". It takes a lot of energy when we try to manage the perceptions of others.
We will attract friends and acquaintances, but are these the relationships we really want?
It's far better to be ourselves and form true, long-lasting friendships. As in my case, it took me going to a foreign country, not knowing the language well and not having any friends I knew ahead of time to make some of the best friends I've ever had.
Here's to friendships and being true to ourselves!
Gros bisous, mes amis.
Joanna
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