We've all heard or been told countless times the sage advice about nourishing ourselves first. Even the required airplane spiel before take-off reminds adults that "in case of emergency" place the oxygen mask on yourself first before assisting a child.
Take care of yourself. Eat right. Get plenty of sleep. Walk in nature. Rekindle what you love. Spend time with those that remind you to laugh. Look at inspiring art. Take time to read great books. Nap if you are tired. Watch funny movies. Watch uplifting movies. Minimize your exposure to shocking news and journalism. And, definitely taper off from negative and toxic people.
Seems ironic doesn't it? What so many of us know intuitively - we actually find difficult or challenging to execute. And, to add to the mix-- this is what many of us will tell our friends and family members to do (take care of yourself.) Yet, we don't even take our own advice.
Often we can see very clearly in others what we don't see - or refuse to see - in ourselves. The proverbial blinders are on and they are cinched down tight. Our head is deep in the sand and is unwilling or afraid to come out.
Why is it we are hesitant or fearful to admit to ourselves what we already know to be true?
I have found fascination around this phenomenon for years. The pressure to do more, be more, wear the cape, swoop in and solve other people's problems, be overly attentive, be the shoulder to cry on, the fixer, the helper, the rescuer.
Now don't get me wrong. I'm not advocating being an emotional mummy. I am however very observant of the different ways we keep ourselves from ourselves. Put another way, we are very good at making sure we are in everyone else's business but our own.
And, in doing so we lose perspective of our own needs. We feel that if we follow what we want to do and follow what makes us happy, then that's just being selfish.
The problem is further exacerbated by thinking we have to do all these things. The true irony is this: More often than not we do something because we think others want us to do it. But if we stop and really think about it, did that person actually ask us to help them? Or, do we think they need us to help?
There is a big, big difference.
Nothing pours from an empty pitcher. When we give and give and give some more, we literally have nothing left to give. So, why keep doing this?
Think about it. The people you know that are the most helpful. The most balanced. The most relaxed and have the best perspective do not live their lives in a hurry. They do not give precious pieces of themselves away. They have learned the extremely high cost of that endeavor.
Time has brought the gift of wisdom. The wisdom in knowing that they can do more for others by putting themselves first. They use discernment when choosing to spend time with friends and friends.
When you talk to this person, you know they are truly listening and hear you. Why? Because their mind isn't elsewhere. They have cultivated the art of listening to their own needs. They understand the importance of self-care. They understand the advice of putting the oxygen mask on themselves first. The truth is, this is where they live most of the time. It is not an accident.
"You can't find your heart in a temple, if you don't have a temple in your heart."
-- Zen Proverb
Here's the bottom line. We have to fill our own pitchers first. Call it selfish. Call it whatever you want. But, it's true. Attending to our needs feels amazing. And when we feel amazing, then that energy expands outwards. It's not so much the words we say to others. It's the feeling they can easily pick up just being around us.
We are comfortable in our own skin. Easy to talk to. Relaxed in our manners. Kind and compassionate. Our pitchers are full because we intentionally fill our lives with all types of wonderful experiences. We have learned to follow our joy instead of chase after happiness.
What is one thing you have done to embrace self-care and fill your own cup first? Share in the comments below. We'd love to hear and to share in your success.
In gratitude,
Joanna