We all have a side of us that is typically quite a bit different than the face, mask or persona we commonly project out to others. You know the filtered persona I'm talking about. This is the mask we work really hard to keep on so people only know the aspect of ourselves we want them to see. Flawless. Perfect. Organized. And quite honestly - exhausting!
Different names have been attributed to the various aspects of ourselves: think alter ego. The alter ego embraces the wilder, edgier, sassier side that always gets you what you want. And has a whole lot of fun doing it.
For others who normally wear the mask of bad-boy or bad-girl this could be the toned down version of themselves. The side that loves classical music, romantic-comedy's, novels, history, gardening, orderliness and the like.
Shhhh... don't tell anyone though because what will people think, right?
What I've always found fascinating about alter egos is our belief that we have to keep them hidden and tucked safely away from others. We may think that if people knew who we "really" were they wouldn't accept us.
The irony is it has nothing to do with others and everything to do with our relationship to ourselves. If we haven't fully accepted all aspects of who we are then we won't feel safe enough to show it to others.
Let's take the example of the persona of Straight-laced Sue. She is overly attached to, and actually prides herself on, her buttoned-up, orderly and precise style of doing things. No one fools her. She dots her i's, crosses her t's and makes sure everyone else follows suit. No slackers allowed.
Her addiction to perfection is something she prides herself on and gives her the illusion of comfort and structure. She runs her life tight as a ship. Those around her see her as very organized and efficient.
The fun department is hovering at an all-time low. When Straight-laced Sue does attempt to enjoy herself it feels forced. Or, comes out in very short bursts. Fun is an internal struggle for Sue because she does not see the value in it.
Raised on the good old fashioned ethic of hard work, putting your nose to the grind-stone and being incredibly efficient. Now those are worthwhile values!
And yet her life is lacking in ways she can't quite grasp. She has always been the "good girl" and has a comfortable, predictable life. Why isn't this enough? This is what she thought she always wanted.
But, truth be known it's draining her zest for life.
She used to be a lover of adventure and excitement. Dreaming constantly of traveling to all corners of the Earth, calling her own shots, living an amazing life, spending plenty of time with cherished friends and family and being fabulously wealthy.
What happened?!?
As Smiling/Happy-go-lucky Sue entered her teenage and twenty-something years her overachiever attitude and need to be liked and accepted ruled over the independent, adventurous side. She excelled in school and the work-place, accumulating various awards and promotions. Invaluable in her career and a real asset to any company.
Enter Straight-laced/by-the-book Sue. Exit Smiling/Happy-go-lucky Sue.
For years she has harbored a secret love and envy for a life where she called the shots. Enjoying unlimited prosperity and abundance. Traveling on a whim. Creating and designing to her heart's delight.
Straight-laced Sue's close friends and family don't even know this side of her. In social settings she makes a point to gossip or run-down those who are actually living the life she longs to live.
If Sue were to up-level and become one of those "evil rich people who live a life of leisure" she might lose all of her friends, right? Oh no! What will people think?!?
Such a dilemma!
Enter the all important Alter Ego of Vivacious Victoria. The truth is that Sue needs to make friends with and welcome to the party the side of her she's denied most of her adult years.
She sees Vivacious Victoria as someone that only bad-girls, flirty girls or irresponsible girls would like and she definitely doesn't want to be placed in that category!
Vivacious Victoria loves beautiful clothing, expensive jewelry, fine dining, sexy cars, exotic vacations and flirting to her heart's content. She is unapologetic about what she does. Victoria answers to no one. And here's the funny thing - she is so much fun that people feel relaxed, joyful and excited just being around her.
Vivacious Victoria follows her dreams, throws caution to the wind and lives only to impress herself.
Her life is full and thriving. She is daring, colorful, exotic, lively and witty.
Can you imagine how uplifting and joyful it would be to spend time with Victoria over Sue? Now just to be clear, I'm not advocating completely shifting and only attaching yourself to the forgotten persona.
What I am implying is the immersion of the two.
The soul longs to be whole. In order to live full, beautiful lives we need to embrace all aspects of who we are and that means inviting every persona to the party. Sometimes we need Straight-laced Sue to take charge in business matters, attend to banking accounts, organize an event or meet a deadline with ease.
We also need to see the value in Vivacious Victoria who knows how to let her hair down, add much needed spice to life and embrace adventure.
The truth is when we meet and say hello to the various aspects of who we are we no longer feel stifled in our lives. Embracing this newfound freedom we begin to revel in and appreciate our lives in ways we may never have experienced before.
We become so comfortable in our own skin we no longer care what other people think about our choices. And best of all, our friends and family actually enjoy spending more time with this unique, expanded and vibrant version of ourselves.
What Alter Ego do you need to invite over for tea or coffee? What advice do they have for you?
Here's to living fully and flourishing!
With love and light,
💛
Joanna
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