How often do we think about something and decide to do it out of obligation? Obligation is a pretty heavy word and comes loaded with all sorts of negative connotations. Why is saying No and meaning it so hard? Why do we say yes when we really mean no? What is it that keeps us stuck in this loop? For many of us it comes down to feeling guilty about having our own needs met. And by this I mean taking care of ourselves first and foremost. Like the old saying about flying. In case of emergency put the mask on yourself before your children.
The most worthwhile journey is the one from our head to our heart. Embracing the courage to become the seeker, the healed and ultimately the healer.
We have all heard about the oxygen mask literally and figuratively. And, because so many of us have "rescuer's syndrome" we willingly put the mask on others first. We've been raised and trained from an early age to give and give and give. Rewarded and awarded for over-working. We wear the "I"m stressed out, but look how well I'm handling it" slogan like a badge of honor. Underneath, though,it's a different story. Who hasn't overheard a conversation about people feeling overwhelmed and under-appreciated?
Strangely enough, a competitive style atmosphere begins to take place when talking about work-loads. Balancing family. Side jobs. Juggling vacations and extra curricular activities. In my observations, most people are simply unaware this competition conditioning is even happening. We are so programmed to this pattern that it seems normal. Not healthy mind you.. but normal. So, the big question is: Where does our own sanity and internal balancing come into play? Why do we get so easily hooked into overworking ourselves? Tuning out instead of tuning in?
In Sanskrit, avidya, roughly translates to "not seeing." In contrast, vid or vidya means "to see or view." Avidya commonly occurs when we believe that what we are seeing or viewing is the truth. When, in all actuality, it's an illusion. It's our interpretation that this truth is unchangeable. Often times viewed through the lens of "no one understands me" or "no one appreciates me" or "I'm stuck in my career/relationship/life." This is simply not true. We are not actually stuck unless we believe we are stuck.
"Where we are now is the culmination of every decision we've made. If we do nothing to change our situation it will look precisely like the past." Nancy Levin
Taking this one step further, if we believe we are unworthy of love, appreciation and understanding then others simply mirror back to us our own beliefs. As the saying goes "how we see the world is how we see ourselves in the world." Think about someone you know that will only let others get just so close to them. They reveal their lives only so much. Put simply, they only allow you to see through the lens that they give you to see them. The real irony is we already know they are incredibly guarded. Friendships are shallow. Conversations light. No swimming in the deep end.
Ironically, they tend to be the ones complaining about the world and everyone in it. It's always other people that need to change. The world needs to change. Everything is such a mess. What's wrong with everybody? They keep spewing out complaint after complaint. It's never their problem. They take no ownership. No responsibility. The inner perfectionist is completely running the show. Avidya is in full force.
In yogic teachings the practice of vidya is a lifelong cultivation of awareness. By becoming aware of what's happening in the mind it helps us to become friends with it. A powerful practice I have personally done is to observe my thoughts and speech for several days. The next step is to write down in a notebook or journal every time I would think or say out loud a complaint. For example, "I can't do this because...", "I can't do that because...", "I would do this, but..."-- you get the picture. Let me tell you, just after 24 hours I had several pages filled out single spaced with self-limiting beliefs that were profoundly revealing. I honestly didn't know I held myself back so much.
When I work with one of the horses it's very revealing. No one can do the work for me that will make a worthwhile impact. It's me connecting to me. Me connecting to the horse. Horses don't lie. They only know truth.
Any good coach worth their salt reminds us this is not the time to beat ourselves up. It is, however, a huge step in opening our eyes to the habit of self-sabotage. We can't heal what we don't feel. An opportunity to move from avidya to vidya. Ignorance to knowingness. Zoning out to wakeful awareness. Warning: Do not be fooled by the seeming simplicity of this profoundly eye-opening exercise. Start with 24 hours. Every time you think or say an excuse that limits your possibilities jot it down. Become the observer. Resist the temptation to criticize. Just write it down. Just. Write. It. Down.
I bet you will be surprised by what you see. After 24 hours take a look at these excuses. Really look at them. What would you say to a friend if they came to you with these "perceived problems?" You would be gentle, kind and compassionate with them. Give yourself the same space. Give yourself permission to be your greatest cheerleader and mentor.
From your list, choose five limiting beliefs to work with. Think of a reason a belief is not true. Write it down. And, think of one small action step you could take to counter the limiting belief. For example, let's say you want to travel to Paris but you don't have the money. Commit to saving at least $25 a week towards your trip. As you do this, most likely you will eventually be motivated to save even more and before you know it you'll be flying on your way to Paris. The key is to start small. Something really do-able. Plant the seed.
Remember, you truly are all that you are looking for. Choose to ride a different ride in the Theme Park of life. Get out of the wild, chaotic roller-coaster of self-sabotage line. Instead, find a ride that uplifts you. Better yet, stroll around. Eat some popcorn. Buy a balloon. Enjoy a show. People watch. Visit with a new friend.
Love the journey...
Joanna
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